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Wednesday, December 26, 2012

All I am living for...

All I am living for is you
Show me the worth I am breathing for
The air is stale, I can't breathe
The glass is opaque, I can't see
Show me the worth I am breathing for
All I am living for is you

All I am dying for is you
Lead me to the passage I want to be through
The land is bleeding, I am slipping
The terrain is rough, I can't walk
Lead me to the passage I want to be through
All I am dying for is you

All I am longing for is you
Walk me to the arena I am searching for
The place is teeming, I can't pack in
The ground is swarming, I can't step in
Walk me to the arena I am searching for
All I am longing for is you

All I am waiting for is you
Bring me the stoup I want to consume
The temple is deafening, I can't hear
The chants are bewildering, I can't grasp
Bring me the stoup I want to consume
All I am waiting for is you

The earth is bleeding, I can't heal
The planet is swirling, I can't control
'tis happening everywhere, I can see
Rusted blood stinks, I can't breathe
Rivers are flowing, I can't bathe
Water is blood, there are the tears
Souls are diving, I can't swim
Riverbed is missing, I can't direct

Spirits cry out, I can hear
No lullaby, I can sing
My throat is clenched, my voice is jabbed
Strings are broken, I can't rhyme

All I am living for is you
All I am dying for is you
All I am longing for is you
All I am waiting for is you
All I am living for is you
All I am living for is you

O' mother earth it's you
O' Gaia 'tis you
Show me the worth I am breathing for
Lead me to the passage I want to be through
Walk me to the arena I am searching for
Bring me the stoup I want to consume
Bring me the peace, bring me the love
Bring me the holy cup of heaven
O' mother earth it's you
O' Gaia 'tis you
All I am living for is you
All I am dying for is you

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Healing With Elementals

Heal O' heal, O' life you heal
Wounds left by time, errors committed by lives

O' air, I fly to you, 'nd bring the Ariel along
You come, O' Sylph, beautiful of all beings
'nd the cherubs inflating the bright wings
Fan away the anger; blow out the hurt
From the sore, which feeds the fire burning in shore

I hearld you O' Gnome, rotund of all fiends
Come O' Dwarfs, Goblins 'nd Elves
Pygmies please come out of bogs
Sprinkle the mineral, splatter the salt
Crystallize the sore fanned by air

I plunge in water 'nd signal the Undines
Resting on base donning sea colored garbs
I come on surface, 'nd Mermaids are borne
Water down the burn that simmers at periphery
Condense the pain that suspends like slurry

I see for fiery, but tiny balls of fire
I summon, O' Salamander across heat, fire 'nd flame
Cantankerous you beast balling across the sun
Hibernate the ties, swish out the residue
Wipe out the rot, transform the beast

Erupting energy from points 'nd meridians
Elementals heal 'nd work just as Shamans
Sylphs, Gnomes, Undines and Salamanders
They all heal 'nd revamp with no blunders

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Powerful Vulnerability

They say, I’m mad;
I say, that makes me glad!
They say, I may seem not normal;
I say, that’s what makes me adorable!

Some say, you hold not value;
I say, that’s true, I’m invaluable in lieu!
A lot say, I make them crazy;
I say, you’ve already been mazy!

Some say, I’m not true but just plainly fake;
I say, that’s what you mirror in me, a calm lake!
They say, I’m a big emotional;
I say, may be that’s just notional!

A lot say, I’m way too vulnerable;
I say, well! ‘tis just a part of me, variable!
Some say, I’m a creature too selfish;
I say, yeah! I’m also beyond hellish!

They say, being vulnerable I’m weak;
I say, I’d rather, a sheath way ward bleak!

A grace lies in bending, a grace so meek;
It’s as to say, a python slouching to meet,
Once the earth so as to erupt in full storm;
A cauldron in human world that follows no norm.

Akin to grace, holds meek, the vulnerability,
Which humans say, holds no capability!
Adams naive, yet unawares of latent slash,
With no voice, it calls for an inner bubbling mishmash!

Being vulnerable, an asset, ‘tis so profound;
Irascible it be, so is pacified; ‘nd vanquishable, turns the mound,
 O’ fiends. Ah! Feeble; ‘tis naught brittle, nor nonchalance.
Yay, powerful vulnerability, ‘tis the real Benevolence!!!

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Loving the Pain!

The world is not black and white;
‘tis the quintessential wavering shades of gray.
This unbearable pain is not wrong or right;
‘tis my maker’s only redeeming way.
Though I say- unacceptable; but ‘tis inevitable;
When I confront, my maker tells- ‘tis just more affable.
Agree I, Accept I, surrender I and drink the tears;
Swallow the pain, shot at me by my dears.
So easy to comprehend; so simple to misunderstand;
So painful to be misunderstood; so rueful for the one to mend.
It takes the mind and just the senses to see the weak;
It takes the heart and beyond the senses to see worth of the meek.
Pain is beautiful, but painful; maker says- ‘tis fickle too.
Happiness is marvellous, but scandalous; I complain- ‘tis transitory;
I rue to maker- Why then its wings fly it off leaving no clue?
He confides- it doesn’t, it juxt goes to carry pain to cemetery!!!

Friday, October 5, 2012


Rugged as the path is, determined I am to walk on it.
Tried ‘nd tested, the methods are there. Pewit!
Ain’t I trying them ever? Nay! Naught! They wear;
So long ‘tis been unlike ‘tis you I revere!
As many times my doubt in you has appeared;
That many times has invigorated my faith in you.
There at times turned it out quite to be hopeless;
Those very times has twinkled the hope coming cue!
Holloa! Oh flier, never hath I seen ripeness in such younger years;
Ah! May it be, it stay in thy soul until the stained cloud clears.
Route whtaya be, I stand for acceptance for reverence is there;
I’m holding on route flowing thy rhythm, ‘nd so ‘tis the feet to be cast on mere.
What I dread the most is the subtlest is the shred. May it not be; rugged my terrain, smooth thy cast;
Trot me, thou walk ‘nd unblinking my eyes as meadowlark for to watch you De-Tour at the last...

Friday, September 28, 2012

I am at Peace

Situations are stuck; my life is in rut,
‘nd still I am at peace.
Nothing seems changing, things are so staggering,
‘nd still I am at peace.
No one can understand me, I remain an enigma,
‘nd still I am at peace.
I am trying so hard, although ‘tis noticed but they just dart,
‘nd still I am at peace.
Freedom to me is crucial; but I am entangled in my own blood. This blood is so unreal,
‘nd still I am at peace.
I am confounded and affixed but things are changing. Subtle is at exit, subtlest is on entrance,
‘nd still I am at peace.
I’m at home, but my thoughts roam, and my soul lingers in foam,
‘nd still I am at peace.
The foam I see, with it a silent metamorphosis at wee,
‘nd still I am at peace.
Things are changing somewhere. Timelines cast at me – Beware!
‘nd still I am at peace.
Two-edged sword is ready; my wings are flowing out already.
Change is taking place; the arena is being carved out.
I’m awaiting the signal, a faintest sound, and a slightest movement in diagonal.
Wait has been so long; I’m here to strike; my light bears semblance with that of my vibe.
Till that time,
I am at peace. I am silent. I am at peace.
Never in slumber,
But, I am at peace.

Saturday, September 8, 2012

A Look At Past

Turn Around,
And look through your pain;
Cast it a gaze devoid of any disdain.
You must have had shed a few tears;
Re-count them all while letting in all your fears.
Look at those simmering endless worries,
That are vapouring out of old drearies.
Wait! Think upon each of the issues that nag at you;
Ponder at the fears that leave you with no clue.
Let you take time, howsoever long it get;
Climb each step that no retreating in your mind is left.
Shed off old clothes that pocket your worries your fears;
Leave old-Embrace new; as say those seers.
What you feared has already had taken place;
'tis the road ahead now, to which you're to make pace.
Forgive - Forget 'nd let it all go;
'tis meant to go, what's not planned with you in row.
Let the in-dwelling hatred melt away;
Allow the bitterness to wave at full sway.
Let the wound spread all over you;
Let it immerse you in sea of pain in-course due.
As you walk through darkest of existence and worst of pain;
Nadir will come in terms of misery making your life a bane.
Hold on the courage and grasp the faith- just walk
'nd walk through this dark phase;
As you trot breathing in the hope, there cometh the light
'nd with it the maze.
Choice will be bestowed, with options- good and bad, right and wrong.
Listen to your heart on this labyrinth, for what you call for will surely come to you in throng.

be sure almost what you wish for
be pure always what you think about
-for you never know what 'nd when Universe abounds you...
with your THAT wish 'nd THAT thought..."

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

The Wonderful Sojourner!

Fleeting memory as it is; I saw him on journey towards me;
Hath vision dawned then- Call it a teacher, disciple, a soul- ‘tis an accompanying key.
A human with graceful walk, evoking a silent entry;
A human with shy tweaking of lips, hinting an unruly symmetry.
Glances pique! Acceptance of an unintended invitation played on at dart;
Hell let loose! The sojourner was tagged, a friend dearer to heart.
We walk, We talk, We chime in so well;
‘nd still he ponders on topics at-heart that dwell.
Eyes with looks in Bewilder – Mouth with tongue on Stumble;
Head with brain in Wander – or ‘tis in maze a nymph or Salamander!
O’ Just A Wonderful Sojourner...

Saturday, August 18, 2012

How to Tell for What I fell...

With the sight of you shuddering in shame ‘nd guilt,
Oh! With you I fell in love brimming with compassion.
With the sight of you overwhelmed in doubt ‘nd inefficiency,
Oh! With you I fell in love overflowing with burning defense.
With the sight of you in rags ‘nd tatters, all helpless,
Oh! With you I fell in love filled with desire to love, to care.
With the sight of you inflating your chest in false pride,
Oh! With you I fell in love moved to unveil you the real wisdom.
With the sight of you deeply flawed containing core of fading goodness,
Oh! With you I fell in love determined to explode that goodness in full.
With the sight of you spitting out filthy vulgar, call I, a father of dick,
Oh! With you I fell in love affected to show you the importance of words.
With the sight of you getting into disillusion over your own misrepresentations,
Oh! With you I fell in love resolved to turn you into the desired cavalier.
They say, love is stoned, love is dead, ‘twas a play with players at sway!
How to tell for what I fell? Though an illusion I’d rather a stage of life with love-in-swell... 

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

A Walk With Nature

Nature's glow
It's about time I spent some moments with me. A 9 to 5 job, family, friends, trivial domestic matters and petty tensions leave me no time to peep inside and share a few quiet and intimate moments with myself, my soul. One Sunday, I thought of hearing myself and spend some deep moments with me alone. In want of some lonesome bits, I evaded the life of society, and jumped out of the social circle to enter in the nature's abyss.  As the capital is surging in urbanization and erosion of greenery for the sake of so-called developments, it was hard enough to find a place where I could solace myself with nature. After long time search finally I succeeded in locating a huge park which features abundance of greenery. It was really a hard found discovery for me.
In a place little far from mine, it's a very large park fully clad with succulent grass fields stretched over long yards and lush trees laden with fragrant flowers and juicy fruits. So conspicuous, I found myself in awe of the beauty of this park which was like a sight for eyes. As I walked through the park, I got more and more enchanted by the grace and splendor of the place which seemed a paradise on earth. There is a cemented path that runs zigzag throughout the entire ground. Trees stand parallel on both the sides of path conjointly slanting towards each other. With their branches entwining each other and scaling downwards, they make beautiful arches that give the look of a natural subway. In the lower level, there are dense clumps of shrubs interwoven within each other as if some entails of an invisible demon resting besides the concrete way.
In the morning, the park brims with birds of different species merrying around chirping loud and tinkling notes. As the sun rises, sunlight pierces through the entangled boughs and leaves and bounces strikingly on the path making it all enlightened. Morning breeze leaves the dewy meadows all flourishing and a light fragrance flows throughout the park. Similarly, at night, when the moon in sky is in full blooms and stars are sprinkled all over around the moon, moonlight falls through the bugs and lits the place which basks in its pale white glory. But, much more than sunrise and sunset, I love the dusk when sun touches the horizon and is about to go down. Dusk is when the rays of sun make this place glow with yellowish orange shade; trees and bushes take over the sheet of gold. The meadows appear to be country side fields scattered over long distances ready to get harvested. Cows with an ardent wish for grazing on those grassy meadows roam around the fence guarding the Evergreen Park.
-All this for but one moment of glory!
I remember how William Wordsworth had compared the beauty and peace of nature with that of London in its dawn while traveling over Westminster's Bridge. But I could never place urban beauty on par with that of nature.
I visited the park thrice so as to capture its paradisiacal beauty during all the three intervals of day- sunrise, dusk & sunset- one interval each day. I knew I would hardly get time later to revisit this place, so I toured round the park, meticulously analyzing and capturing the beauty and grace of nature. As I trotted the path sheltered by dense bushy trees, glowing with celestial majesty, it seemed to be touching my soul. The arch above and meadows below, with trees like embracing nature's arms made me felt never-felt-before love and care and an overwhelming peace. Wrapping myself up with the warmth of nature's endearments, I contemplated the problems which had lately become an impasse in my life. Amazingly, in those three visits, the walk with nature proved very beneficial to me for as much as I got the keys to the very deadlock puzzles of my life. Truly said the great Poet of nature, William Wordsworth that nature is the mother of humanity, a great nourisher and healer of soul.
I'm thankful to God since he made the human mind imprintable and retrievable. I was aware I might not get the same spectacular sight again and again. And so, I had in those walks with nature, imprinted the very beauty and grandeur of nature to which I still often recall and visit in my memories...

A Dream Unfeted

Castles built in air splinter down...
Footprints imprinted on beach wash away...
Old, dry, worn out and crumpled leaves severed from their accommodating twigs are forgotten and replaced by the new ones...
Fleeting memory of human finds it hard to hold on to some indelible experiences...
But, yet human mind as is said to be unsteady and wobbly, sometimes does not conform to this fact of easily printed-easily erased!
Some moments remain with you until and unless you live...
Some emotions remain stay in your heart until an unless you heave your last breath...
Some faces stay engraved in your mind until and unless you pass on to your next life...
Moments spent during halcyon times of peace keep lingering in mind for time immeasurable...just like spiralling waves quiver on a placid lake when a pebble is thrown at!
Ok fine! That was the past. Ergo the end. But, it wrecked me back altogether with the same lovelorn sensation...memories gushed back…reminiscence of old forgotten days. Why I dreamed of him? No clue! It was as if from nowhere that man came out and entered in my dreamland while I was deep in sleep. Dreams are whimsical, I knew always. But to this much extent, I knew never.
I met John at fifth last workplace, IGI Airport. I know it sounds a bit awkward, but I'm not a habitual job hopper. Circumstances arise and I hop the place. At first sight, I found him interesting not intellectually, but physically. He was one-of-a-kind guy I saw for the first time in life. Tall, well-built and all muscular defined his physical appearance along with a warm nature and a gay smile coupled with sparkling eyes which shone every time he laughed. And he laughed often like me; that was the sole common ground between us. Oh! How could I forget his bronze colored locks which he would toss frequently and I hated that swaggering toss. I was appointed as an Assistant Supervisor at Departure as well as Arrival Terminal and John; an aspiring Medical student had joined as a substitute for his ill friend, while doing an internship with AIIMS. Well, his real name remained a-locked-secret to me. I knew him by what his friends used to call him lovingly, John. He was a surgeon, I knew this from one of my colleagues, a girl who while speaking high of him passed on the information and seemed John's suitor to me. By 'surgeon', I guessed him to be quite a demure and even shunned the thought of being with such a grave person. But this thought was given a knock out the very next day as I was jerked head-to-toe completely on seeing him, a brilliantly jovial man. His joviality swept me off my feet since I hadn't ever seen a person with such a joyous humour. But what tickled me was that disgusting itch! I was that day appointed in Immigration area in Arrival Terminal, where he had been at work for past one month. For some mandatory paper work, I had to approach a doctor in health-check department. After a few minutes of search, I spotted him standing near the middle of crowd and headed towards him. But on nearing him, I found him dingily scratching his nether regions, busted into laughter and soon was in hysteric that led to his huge unexpected embarrassment. There I for the first time in life viewed a man blush scarlet for he was beautifully fair up to 6 degree.....
I know that's awfully rude for a girl to sneer at a medical degree holder that too when both of them are standing amidst a congested area. Really, now I feel how bizarre a moment it would have been for him. After the crowd thinned, did I look that him from head to toe and awed at his beauty. He was grand and appeared like knight-in-armour although the armour was a white apprentice overcoat with pockets everywhere. Never hath I seen such a mature face, wide blue eyes with heavy eyelashes, square jawline, fuller lips, broad majestic shoulders, demonic hands, long thick fingers, big torso, muscular thighs, far reaching legs- A complete Greek character he was. Forthwith in my heart, I tagged him with the title of Greek God Zeus and wished I were a painter so that could paint him on canvas. I hurried towards him, handed over the arrivals health documents, got them signed and stamped and questioned him regarding the same. But from his answers, on the top of that his way of imparting communication, I was totally taken aback and wondered if a surgeon could speak in such a goofy manner. Although I was quite enamoured of his beauty and grandiose, but that admiration soon fell flat. I disgusted him instantly as some pinhead who has had though attained a medical qualification, but in reality is a booby communicator. On what grounds did we make friends I know not, but it later changed my perception of him. He turned out to be contrary of exactly what I had supposed of him, an accomplished man and an eloquent communicator. Friendship went steady and three months passed like three seconds. I had startled growing weary of job since it was getting all gloomy there. Work profile was way too different from what the post was, Asst. Supervisor. My job included no brain work, no knowledge and no progress and thus it had begun to make me feel stuck. Post 3 months, John and I had come quite close and we got along very well. He was warm as if suffering from fever, but I guess it was his way of imparting warmth to others. It was the John thing. It used to be a great relief to me to bring out the problems of my life, minor as they might be, sometimes clingy they would get and discuss 'em all with him. A life consultant for me, he would solve my entanglements in just one snap.  In
no time he had become my best friend and the person closest me. Unbelievably, I bore an intense physical affinity towards him, which sometimes would become quite unbearable to supress.
Then one day I heard from my girls that he has been seeing someone for past two months. The news came to me as more than a shock. Adamant to believe the rumours, I asked him whether he was seeing a girl and his off-hand answer came affirmative. His one word 'yes' shattered my heart, not because I thought someone else is his girl but because everyone else knew the matter but me. It came to me as deception. What was he thinking? I wondered if he was of the opinion that I loved him secretly so would get hurt after learning that he proposed someone other than me. I despised him for thinking so low of me. Though I was already thinking of leaving, his action sped up my decision. Next day, gathering enough courage I faced him, hugely embarrassed inside and told him my decision and looked for his say. But what came next was more a storm. He casually spoke," You'd better leave the place." and hurried away. The words were a blow to me which struck me at heart. Without wasting a single second and without having any second thought, I resigned. Contrary to my expectations, no calls, no messages I received and then gradually it was over...
They say, time heals wounds and erases memories and so did happen. Post 5 months the resignation, I joined a new place as a magazine writer and gradually forgot him, happiness shared with him and wounds given by him. It was over, out-of-sight and out-of-mind within less than what I had thought would be the anticipated time. Two years passed thus and then one day happened, what had never been thought of and dreamed of even in my wildest of dreams. I had some wok to get done away with my cousin who during that time was living on the outskirts of Agra and was going to meet her. I chose to travel by 3-by-2 seater bus, in which I took the back seat by window side so that I could get a better view of scenery. We crossed the highway and suddenly then bus came to halt. Unaware of the cause, I got down the bus and followed the crowd. There had occurred a hazardous accident, road ahead was smeared in blood and laid there was a blood soaked body of a man. I neared the injured man who was now gasping for life and stooped towards him. Somebody splashed water on his bloody face and gave him some to drink. As the dirt cleared off his face, I saw what took almost my breath away. It was him! It was John. More than 2 years had passed and he had been almost faded away from my memory. And today he was lying before me, all soaked in blood and hanging between life and death. Seeing him thus left me in staggers. History repeated itself. The moment shared with him rewound in my mind. Pain and happiness danced in my mind! I pleaded to the people to help me take him to some nearby hospital. I wanted to save him; I knew not, why! Help approached in a second's snap and I immediately took him to hospital. He was immediately taken to emergency ward in the operation theatre. Doctors said he might succumb to injuries and more or less could give up any time soon. As expected, in his last moments he demanded to see me. There, I sat by his side with tide of tears at the brink of my eyes. I had found him again and was going to lose him anytime soon. But now the pain would be delible since he was somebody else's love as what I had gathered from my resources. In a slight murmur that I heard not, he asked his family members and hospital attendants to excuse him some private moments with me. For a few seconds he kept staring at me and then spoke," I gave my heart, why did u not speak? I gave away myself to you, why u went away then? I loved you; I love you, only I could not speak the words to you. I wanted you to leave so that I could tell much I loved you! I wanted to marry you; I wanted you to be the mother of my kids... I lived in you... And now I am dying in you! Why you did not know? Why could not you know? ". He was getting impatient as he spoke, wanted to say more, but I disrupted. On hearing his briskly spoken words, I felt uncomfortable, dejected and utterly absurd. How big a fool I was I thought? I kept thinking all the way down to yet that he fell for somebody else and here the entire story was different, that 'somebody' was me. For the first time in my life, I found myself at loss of words. Hesitatingly I raised my eyes to him and found him looking at me. His eyes were like melting gold, love and passion danced together in them. He kept gazing at me for long and then suddenly broke into a single sentence, "Will you marry me?" emphasizing each word distinctly. His words struck like lightening in my mind and I was completely jolted. I repeated each word in my mind so as to grasp their meaning deeply. It felt like earth has been swept off my feet. I got filled with compassion and couldn't speak because of the growing lump in my throat. He pleaded with his eyes and repeated his question in a slight murmur, hardly audible. Though screaming in my heart, I smiled sheepishly and said," You are going... What's the worth now?" But he insisted and kept looking for answer at my cringed face. Aware of the fact that his end was nearing, I took the step contrary to my decision, I nodded. After learning my answer, he heaved a sigh of relief and looked at me with smiling content eyes. I was happy to see him happy and relieved. To see him smile was a huge relief to me, which somehow to a little extent eased the burden of guilt that had started building up sub-consciously in my heart. Lying sick on the hospital bed, he was looking like a Greek God more majestic and beautiful than what I had found him on the first day my gaze had fallen on him. The only difference in his appearance was, he looked paler than before like some porcelain mythical creature.
A few seconds passed by while I adored him and THEN the beep on screen, which was tapping his heartbeats started giving out alarming sounds which meant, his time had come near. I struggled to suppress a sudden intense desire, which had that moment risen in my mind, to hug him, so tight so that I could drag him out of the death's clutches. But to my utter surprise, my heart didn't allow me to act and my body froze. The beep was becoming loud. My head felt dizzy and the surrounding was becoming hazy. The bed on which John was laying smiling peacefully, the white metallic plates that hung on the windows, the growling fan that revolved on its own medium pace, the beeping screen and nearly the entire room spun around me. It wrecked me emotionally; my arm instinctively went upon his chest and slid along his neck. I gasped," John, don't go, plz...!" It seemed like pleading to him. He sent out that same crooked smile, which had had made me swoon over him many times. I was so close to him that I could feel the warmth of his breath on my nape. Slightly then, he kissed on the top of my forehead and whispered," I love you Kalista... I will come back for you!" The words went ringing in my already cluttered mind like a promising oath and I passed out.
Time flew at more than usual speed and two years went past since that incident. My memory is more withered than what usually is a human memory, John always remained remarkably a memorable affair for me, but no longer hard on my memory and so somewhat I forgot him. With an intense struggle, I had locked John and his memories in some sacred part of my heart. I was relieved when I realized that I could no longer rewound his voice in my mind, the smile and the grin that would occasionally flash across his broad face, the unusual Greek torso and most of all, the cringed deserted look on his face before he departed my world...the human world. By then, I knew that it was over, but some part of me, I don't know...might be my subconscious-self kept waiting for him, as if waiting for the enactment of his last gnostic words, I will come back...
Then sometimes later started my visions, I was sure that I was getting signals, but they were so vague and then my intuition too seemed to fail me this time by sending hazy silhouettes. Day by day, it got tougher and harder to detangle the mess created by mixed signals and more so these were driving the hell out of me. I found it impossible to concentrate on one, as whenever I did, another would cross over that and soon it would be a dappling bog. I waited until the storm got pacified and that night the tide calmed down by greater notches. It was an event, odd I would call that was worthy of note though, but then nothing conclusive and consequential could make out of it. As night progressed so did calmness and sublimity in my mind and heart, clock ticked twelve and as soon as my eyelids drooped I was transported to a mystic dreamland. There I found him in the place at the beauty of which I couldn't help marvelling. There stood my Greek God John, his stature as huge as ever, skin glittering under full moon and the twinkling stars, his voice as satiny as it had always used to be, his eyes like burning furnace of gold and his touch, as he stroked my cheek seemed mellowing passion, I was again swept off my feet. Even in my dream, I wondered if that was true and so I placed my hand on his chest and felt no heartbeat running under his ribs. I gasped and withdrew, but abruptly, he pulled me closer and whispered, without his lips actually moving," I'm not in life anymore, remember?" I gaped at him realizing that I was not with John, but John's soul and it made me shrink away from him as I knew it could evoke - possession, the term I dreaded most. After reading the painful and horrified look at my face, he tried comforting me, “Don’t fear, I won't enter in you. I've come to you to complete my vow since I can't pass on my next birth until and unless I complete my incomplete wish. Now will u help me get my salvation since I am still unfulfilled and fragmentary without you." His word stirred so much pain in my heart that instinctively I threw my arms around his neck and hugged him tight like I had wished on the day of his death.
He pulled me softly onto a small dais, which was all decorated with flowers, leaves and twigs entwined around the poles that stood with bravado round the corners and the dais itself looked rather a marriage platform. /a small chasm was located in the middle of it with a tiny flame flickering inside it. And then as per marriages on earth take place, it happened but with a difference, it was ‘marriage in heaven’. He took every single oath along with me over the glistening fire and when finally the moment of ‘marking’ came, he sighed, leaning towards me closer and whispered in my ears, lips unmoving, “You don’t know how long I’ve been waiting for you and this moment albeit it’s transitory and not human. This is the second most important desire I had while in life. I always wished you to be my wife…I wanted to be the one who gave you the vermillion-mark.” Then he raised his left arm, his thumb and middle finger formed a joint at the end as if he was holding a pinch full of matter between them. When the vertex passed above my eyes, did I see, it was a red fragrant powder, which he calmly trailed off at the top middle of my forehead. He looked into my eyes, smiled and then his expressions became animated “hmm…One thing yet to done to complete the wedding.” I became confused and wondered at what he was thinking at that time. Before I could grasp the meaning of his words, he tied a string of black beads around my neck and chuckled “It is what we say sacred thread of love and good will and here we become a couple with you as my wife and me as your husband.” I smiled with him. Something in his spoken words made him sad, he winced in pain and then next instant he blinked cheerfully “…So now Indian tradition is over. I hope you wouldn’t mind if I end the ceremony on a western note,” and flashed out a grin that I had missed and will be going to miss all through my life. Yet again I got stupefied by his grace and mumbled “Was that a question?” he shook his head amusingly with an angelic smile on his broad Greek face and pulled me closer. as he spoke in his velvety soft voice, it melted me in his arms more and more “now it’s my first, above all wish. I fantasized all my life…loving you”, he shrugged for half a second and continued “Though there is one part I still can never accomplish and that is making love to you endless, since it violates the rules of nature and surely will offend you. But the other thing, I can surely do once”. “What?” the word slipped out of my mouth involuntarily. He leaned towards me closer, closer than before and asked to close my eyes and be still. I did what he guided me to do and after a second or two, his lips were on mine. He kept his one hand below my chin and with another draped around my waist, pulled me towards himself. I lost track of time and then suddenly his touch below my chin, around my waist and on my face seemed to be fading. I looked for his arm and stammered “John, plz don’t go. Stay with me…Plz!!”.
Before I could realize, it was over, my eyes welled up and soon my tears were rolling down my cheeks aimlessly just as I was wandering all around the beautiful, dreary landscape under the full moon with my feet stumbling while I walked blindly in the search of my dreamy lover. I fell down a lot along the jagged path and several times tripped on my own foot. Soon I was gasping for breath and growing conscious of the grim atmosphere around me. The full moon, blinking stars, dimly lit night, breath-taking beautiful landscape, russet colored stones half upturned on the land surface, chilled climate, triangular trees adorned with conical sapphire leaves and twigs and everything else that passed by my staggering walk and blurring eyesight held no essence for me without John. I felt the beauty and grace of that heavenly place, jotting a dagger thru my chest. My mind was going to explode as if it was unable to allow any more straining of nerves and my heart seemed to shrink to zero under the giant burden of pain. Suddenly, I started feeling desolated n the place whose beauty had appealed to me so much in the presence of John, happened to be the ugliest n horrendous of sights I have had ever seen all through my life. The growing unbearable melancholy in my heart came out as a screeching shriek of mouth n I woke up. I rushed to my bathroom, lit the room and scrutinized myself before mirror. The red mark at the top middle of my forehead was gone, the sacred black beads string was no longer there, but my eyes were undoubtedly blood red, which meant I had cried the whole night. I came back to my room and looked for my pillow, which was now all drenched with my tears, which I had shed all through the night in remembrance of John. I searched within myself for the melancholic emotion, the cutting pain, the dreariness, but to my amazement none I found in my heart and mind. The only things I brought with me from the heavenly place were my tears, a sweet memory of John and a glimpse of 'marriage in heaven'. I wondered at how much calm, peace and solace I was feeling in my veins.
I heaved a sigh for him- John completed his wishes, albeit after passing life! Even though he could but didn’t spoil my virtue. He didn’t violate the nature's treaty when he would have for sure.
But after all this at the core of my heart, I knew, it was a dream, unfeted...

Wanted! -Perspicacity-

End the Path and Divert the Journey!
A person bearing penchant for blossoming relations wouldn't do it!
A soul having propensity to sensitiveness would never dare call for such turmoil!
A man holding strength of character wouldn't test someone's vim!
A human oblivious to reticence wouldn't maintain so prolong a silence!
A mortal acquainted with the worth of life & one who lives it, wouldn't even dare play with a survivor!
..gave him friendship, he divided it – love and life!
..bestowed him with emotions, he categorized it – loss and lesson!
..endowed him with trust, he bisected it – chance and lapse!
What a fiddle with friendship!
What a dabble with emotions!
What a doodle with trust!
Wiggle! Twiddle! Puddle!
An unfair and nasty muddle,
of words; of meaning,
of emotions; of devotion,
of lives; of being...
Let's not whirl it more, dab a shot! It was a mistake done in terms of choice, which tossed in the loop and came out to be peremptory!
That's why, halloa! 'tis wanted – 'Perspicacity'!
A queer discernment to grasp and an innate shrewdness to hold on the keen insight gained into human nature, depth of heart's castles, concealed meanings between the lines, essence of friendship and paramountcy of words, of emotions and of pain...
Couldn't be found anywhere a person more perfect, in keeping mum and whisking everything under wrap and bury it there!


wounded in love
Proud, as she used to be,
for the gift of life placed on her lap!
Reliable, as she used to see,
him, that was chosen for her!
Carefree, as she used to deem,
of the future, dreamed with him!
Bronze, as she used to conceive,
hands destined to hold hers!
Impassive, as she used to perceive,
him, locked in for life!
Absolute, as she used to dream,
o' him, firm on sentiment they shared!
'nd for all adulation, depth and intensity,
is favored a slash, marked with  a surgeon's knack;
'tis a bruise whose life shows no brevity;
how so many time then it she does smack!
'twas a knot bound with the owner amid chaos;
destined fiasco; what could be awaited now of  Eros!
Love is now, but a wheezing entity crawling across;
since it now lost spine, you if anticipate, 'twill go gross!
They say, love is blind, so don't mind;
retain the memories, later which ya  could grind!
Desire as it was, besseching for aim
For now get hold of things, 'th make ya tame!
Devoted the life, 'twill now be for eternity
for love 'nd scrawl, in that need no clarity!  
Worship with no fruition, delight with no secretion,
for this way now, arise there will no aspiration!
When gaze instills onto the time that  present,
fixed to avoid anticipation, but more it 'comes  clamant!
In time yet to come, niver hope you, niver aspire you.
Cool ya heels, 'nd alight th't hanker for love sans beau!
No religion can save her from laying deep in pain;
ev'nif resilience excell'd, canst she escape liv'ng in disdain!
for now oath been taken and boundary been etched,
live will forever, love on sleeve but soul so wretched!
'cause 'tis naught healed, nary covered, but is just wounded...

Blood ‘nd Guts, Ravages of Love!

ravages of love

Th'y say passion is courage, th' could fight odds all away,

but I say, 'tis mere heat o'body, th' could easily make decisions sway.

Wilt be right, the entity mount th' stairs, wi' success, of decisions,

'nd strike the chord, consequently th' terminates afflictions?

Nay! th' shalt not be cal'd fury o'heat since 'tis frenzy can beat the foe!

Holding Adam-wit,th' liver o'chicken wi' faint-of-heart easy be mow,

Canst he kn'w th' harm done, wilt nt call a sin, helpless so is dove,

'tis naught, but slaughter, pure an annihilation,  call'd ravages o'love!



Wavering, staggering, dragging, swaying, inconstant, as he prov'd,

'nd so his wobble morph'd in moves o'blacksmith w'th skill shrewd!

Forged he, and hammered, and bent, and cut, and chisled,

as if my h'rt was but wrought iron core that too so withered!

In precedence to final verbal strife, I so plunged in quarantine,

though surprise it did to me, b'cause 'twas convoluted'nd  Byzantine!

Later of striking final the chord, gulped I a burning lump o'hell,

'nd exhal'd a shriek inner wh'ch echoed 'nd casted on my anatomy a shrivel!!!

Preserv'd in my fancies is not faint, but glaring silhoutte of a Bronze demi-God

unmatch'ble is he among adams; love, devotion, valor 'nd fidelity 're wh't strikes his chord

Though your contour, portrait 'nd composition bears similitude w'th my preservation,

st'll virtues in h'm surpasses yours;  my chimera man holds for what my adoration!

When you  versed w'th it, sure am I, 'twll hit you hard, might it make you shattered,

perhaps 'twill make you divert gaze off my dolor churning my h'rt th'ts alr'd tattered!

Debilitated be you; forlorn or forsaken be you; I could n'vr let the wound heal;

pain no, desolation no, dejected no, stoned 'tis heartless th't so nary it feel!

Oh God! Love thy Glory…

Heaven 'n hell are not in the sky;
They live on earth, which nobody could defy!
God created nature, man divided it in border;
He made order, man turned it in disorder!
God gave love, man mixed it with lust;
He arose faith, man brought in the dust!
They say, what you do comes unto you;
Wishing for good then, why do you search a clue?
Help someone 'n you get helped somewhere;
Cheat someone 'n you get cheated in share!
Love the wretched 'n see your spirit in raise;
You'll get loved everywhere leaving you in maze!
Human is one, divide it in no more;
Believe in humanity since it lived since yore!
Love, forgiveness 'nd affection are what bring you heaven;
Important are these qualities, which can achieve no craven!
Hell is what hate 'n ill-will both create;
When bad you do, hell is what you can't evade!
Thereby, you see now, we the God leaves on will;
Dip yourself in love of humanity or turn it all evil!

Fill the Inner Chalice

Ever wondered why do most of the people often fret about 'something amiss' in their lives. Despite being blessed with abundance, prosperity and fortune, why does a person seek to find joy outside? Inspite of being in the company of his or her choicest partner, why does the person expect to get contentment in others? Why is there a growing disgruntlement, unhappiness, certain dissatisfaction around? Why does there linger an air of hopelessness around people? Why is there a centre of void throbbing in hearts?
I always get shocked to see people feeling emptiness inside of them. This inertness is not confined to the people of one nation or two; this overflows the entire humanity, the whole planet. And this is the 'Spiritual Sterility' of the modern materialistic world. Human no longer feels a real joy and contentment inside of them, but in its place there exist void. If noted subtly, human life in today's world is nothing, but a striking example of Disillusionment and Meaninglessness. These negativities have crept in human lives. The credit for the presence of these negativities in human life goes to the 'lack of faith' in self and the supreme creator, God. This decay of faith has resulted in the loss of vitality, both spiritual and emotional. Ensuing this degeneration, condition is that a person has to depend on something or some other person so as to fulfil his/her need of love, comfort and happiness. The fact is continuously being ignored that the Real Love, Real Joy and so the Real Fulfilment dwells within the human heart. Fulfilling of thirst and desire through others is a cyclic process like the rapid rotation of a gyre with an ever growing periphery of chasm round a fixed centre i.e. human consciousness till the centre loses all control over it, unable to control the ever increasing mental vaccum and finally give into complete desolation and hopelessness.
Simply saying 'I do believe in God' doesn't reflect your faith in God. True faith in him implies that you can feel his very presence around yourself, in this nature, within you and when you without expectations can leave yourself at his caring hands. The moment you can bring on yourself the true faith, you feel at that very moment the real joy and real love, which flows throughout the entirety of this universe created by God. Each living being has been created by him with a purpose. Every human has been given the life by him with an intent that goes according to a well planned destiny with his guidance and care and love at each and every step of life. And the moment you realize this truth, you'll feel real contentment. There flows magic throughout this universe and every single entity of this universe carries with it beauty and meaning. You just have to feel that magic, beauty and meaning, and there you find meaning & beauty in your life and consequently dance in real joy. As you feel this joy, you no further have to depend upon anything outside of you. You no further have to wait for your better half or friends to complete you or bring happiness in your life. Complete yourself within first. Fill the empty inner chalice inside of you, and you fulfil yourself.
Events, circumstances and situations in life arise with intent and that purpose contributes only for the betterment of you.
So, just rejoice. Feel the magic and love and beauty flowing through the threads with which God has woven the beautiful tapestry of your life. Put unshakable and relieving faith and then see, you no longer feel vacuity inside of you...but all fulfilled, oozing with joy and happiness. Let it come! And what may come, let it pass!