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Monday, November 21, 2011

Intuitional Maddening

"It's an impasse! Nothing possibly a solution can come out of this..." I scoffed one morning. Another morning, I woke up from a dream and yelled in surprise "Holy crap, that was just before my eyes. It wasn't a deadlock, my eyes locked around it."
It's unacceptable that one can find a clean way to solve a problem well, more of a standoff in his or her dreams, but surely not unimaginable. I was never aware that so strong will be my intuition and so clear will be my vision. The faith came lately. Till now it has always been a testing, just checking on the things which I would feel much early with that of what would happen later when the flood of emotions would go almost in the lowest ebb. But now it is like, I can make out something meaningful of absurdity, sort out sense of nonsense and even perceive things out of nothing. It has become more of a habit now and I am always on the move, sorting things of substance out of junk. It takes away a lot of capacity, energy and concentration from your system and even sometimes leaves you paralyzed unable to get involved in anything else. But above all, it makes me more and more irrestible, addicted and forever gasping for more. Getting signals from higher
power is a boon, a blessing in disguise given to you since it fortells about the impending incidents, good or bad, happening to you or your dear ones or even people passing by you. But it does bring with it a bunch of an all-consuming passion that exhausts you, guilt and a sense of failure whenever you fail to inform the person-to-be-affected beforehand and an all-time mental awareness and reception, which lingers over you even when you are asleep.
Nonetheless, I owe more than my life to this blessing of God. Being Libran, it is always a complexity for me to strike out a firm decision even of a minor problem, let alone a gridlock, but it's my inner voice only that saves my face every time guiding me the right way with the lamp of wisdom in the lead. This counts as one advantage. There are various occasions in my life when I have had saved people's lives and stopped the havocs from having occured. Also there are many instances when with the help of hard concentration I have read the grief and pain in doomed ones' eyes and gone extra mile to work for their recovery. It has had always been a matter of pleasure, solace and satisfaction whenever I helped, compassioned and even whispered a prayer.
BUT NOW it's engulfing me gradually. Since the moment my boon tools have unraveled to me the spurt of unspoken lies, unseen deceptions, unfelt treachery and undisclosed disdainfulness, it has become a compulsively 2-walled path to tread upon. With one, there's buoyancy, an all-time cheerfulness while with another, it is dolefulness and gloominess, a blanket covering me head to toe. Doing good to others while remaining invisible from the scene certainly brings peace to mind and happiness to heart. In the same way visualising the selfish agendas hidden behind those promises, bitter conceited feelings concealed under those caring tones, a queer blend of jealousy and revenge veiled inside the mask of love and the astonishing mix of gibes and jeers at the back of that assuring voice, undoubtedly bring you the poignant pain which leaves perpetually lingering qualms in mind and heart.
Biggest reality is after a long period of struggle,I've learnt to live in them and die in them. Plus point is- smile & laughter never cease to come to me,that too in an unhesitatingly natural way. So, be it then happiness or sadness,calm & peace are bound to be there. Once there was a time,when I was on the verge of getting swallowed in by darkness and melancholy. But as for now,all revelations are out,thanks to heaven,my eyes could see beyond the sight,so now there would be no concealment,no hidings! I can bear seeing things in their actual essence devoid of any pretension and feeling the true meaning behing the said words even so concealed it may be.

But no more concealed lies, deception and treachery...