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Friday, November 11, 2011

Breaking Dawn

"Enough wallowing & sulking. There has to be an end to this..." These words have been told by me to myself for lakhs of time, but to no avail. Wierd enough! Am I really awaiting an end or just elongating the way so as to reach the end late, much late. It was first an air of content light-heartedness & above the world feeling that used to give me pleasing and now, pleasure is known to me only by pain. Aperture in my heart keeps increasing with the searing pain throbbing all through the body. I never had thought of hoping or seeing any break from this thud since this pain had become dear to me, the sole reason of my existence. But then why did the light dawn when there has never been a hope, not the least a faith? Werewolf has descended upon me. Transformatiön has been done. I never wanted this happen to me. I had resolved to cling to my pain like some inseparable cosmic pair. Ah! No, here's a small misunderstanding of mine done on my own. Pain is still
there, the burning fissure is still blazing with all the same flickering flames, which wave along with all my nerves and tendons and the despondency and melancholy are still there. Yes! All my companions are wid me only, either they ain't willing to get apart or I'm fiercely possessive of them. Difference is, pride has crept in.
It's my newly found amourpropre in my haplessness. It got me reminded the reminiscence of my love. My love, while it existed before my eyes was never weak, my emotions, while they played upon my mind were never frail, my senses with which I grasped quick-sight into my courtship were never hazy and the act of having worn my heart on my sleeve was never without the utmost passion and reverence, then why the shoulders beneath dose sleeves have slumped? I'd had then started seranading my 'almost lover' in my newly acquired sensuous style and dang, it went flat. Suitor left, leaving behind my heart, which had by that moment turned into a snaphook and a being, ah! that's me, scorched by what I'd better say, love. Since my love was mellowed with dignity and a deep reverence for my lover, on whom I doted with all my essence, why then should I allow that fragrant mellowness evaporate from my heart and my persona? Love has had never been sans pride and
sublimity, then why must it be withered of dose now? Though seclusion is now dere in place of abundance and will always be there, but I think, it shouldn't affect the serenity which got left wid me, thanks to Mr. Cupid for his wrong blow!
So, from now on, my efforts would be on and on towards uprising those slouching shoulders, building up that hurt ego and blowing some life in my muzzy life. Sweet as the pain of heartache feels, I am not willing yet to neutralise it, but like I used to wear the amour on my head, I'll don the love lorn emotion now on my nerves. Because when grandiose, calmness and sublimity will mix up with the love sick feeling, it will make the pain all the more enjoyable, memorable, adorable and bearable affair.