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Sunday, November 27, 2011

My Love, I Beseech Thee!

Excerpted from my untitled novel, this, I post the final draft of one of the love letters written by Rose in regard to Lucky and composed by me. Names of the characters are sure to leave you in tizzy. I'm sure you'll get gender-confused.
My Love, I Beseech Thee!
Thou hast maketh me complete,
Such is thy love for me that makes me overwhelm.
Thou hast maketh me unassailable,
Such is thy faith in me that auguments my strength.
Thou hast maketh me delectable,
Such is thy mesmerism over me that enthrals my very soul.
Thou hast maketh me meritorious,
Such is thy merit that exceeds what I ought to deserve.
Thou hast maketh me majestic,
Such is thy devotion unto my love that transforms me all the more imperative.
Thou hast maketh me impassioned,
Such is thy eroticism that urges me delve in you deeper and deeper.
Huzzah!
Thou dost hast nary an inkling of coveting thine man.
Aye, I shalt surrender thee, thine singularity that doth play naught, but charm and seduction unto me.
Thou appeal me Lady,
Prithee, wilt thou be my wife?
Shalt the mama o'my babies be thee??
-Rose

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Collision

 Throttling Morals or Veiled Allurements
Squelching Principles or Eluding Inducements
Smothering Conventions or One-off Baits
What eff you choose former? And what eff you choose latter? No-matter you choose any, you are bound to get collided to a tricky terrain or else a thorny turf...
It's hard when life comes up with a choice that's more and more baffling, which thwarts every attempt u make towards moulding it in ur own way and keeps on compelling u pick one & leave another. Yes, it's real hard.,almost unlooking-for, unbridled & unavoidable. Evenif u succeed in picking one and feel good and certain about it, the choice poses as an unassailable war thereby making u all the way more miserable.
Think about the sweet appealing 'things' that foil the very principles u regard very high and abide by in ur life, and now place both on a single platform and name the set 'choose one'. So, this is the deadlock life offers me every now and then, difference being variety in situations, circumstances and height of appeal. Those things that bring glimmer in ur eyes and appear to u as 'bliss', sometimes give the impression of 'bigger than life assets', which gradually poison ur mind and drug ur soul making u all the way more addicted to them. When intellect becomes hazy and it becomes staggering for u to take right shot upon right things, when the recklessness clings onto ur mind, and it sticks in the throat, when ur feet don't find the base to stay on and ur hands refuse to find anything strong to hold on, then stick out, on ur core values & beliefs, ur fim faith in just and hold an iron-grasp on ur life's principles that stand out for everything right.
Take ur time and let it stand, until the tide comes to its lowest ebb an finally stays onto stillness. Then think afresh, weigh both the options and search the longevity, don't forget to look for certainity and unless u find it, step out of the meddle and wait for some more time. Try on from different perspective to sort it out. But remember whatever glitters may not be gold, may not be gold and hence may not be right. Only when u become deadly sure about ur choice, tread upon the path. Evenif the journey appears hard and rugged, makes u tiresome and compels u to go back. DON'T!!! Keep going and u'll get ur way, while uncertainity, doubt, fear and mystery shall pass away...

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Revert

 Imagine yourself in a phantasy island, where you landed more by accident than design; you have your every single tool of contemplation namely, 'foresightedness', 'premonition', 'conscious', 'subconscious', 'intuition' and a lot more. Lost in a delusion, you halt a mile away from a seemingly thug and ponder over your contemplation tools, all of which guide you to step forwards; you obey and walk towards the path paved by your guiding stars. By the near end of that path, you realize- you were wrong- you are devastated- you 7 your life spoiled. And yet you think, Revert or Forward!!!
It's hard to believe yourself when the decisions taken in one's conscious mind, firm heart and resolute soul prove utterly wrong. When the drive taken prove to be fatal... When the cause espoused appears partial... When the actions driven by instincts prove utterly unjustified... Then disbelief occurs..in self..those blindly believed instincts seem mere illusions. Trust staggers in self's soul which even shakes up the bond shared with the higher force... The voice which calls out from deep within the heart appears to deceive..and life as whole stands out as mirage.
There has to be an end to this disillusionment!!!

Monday, November 21, 2011

Intuitional Maddening

"It's an impasse! Nothing possibly a solution can come out of this..." I scoffed one morning. Another morning, I woke up from a dream and yelled in surprise "Holy crap, that was just before my eyes. It wasn't a deadlock, my eyes locked around it."
It's unacceptable that one can find a clean way to solve a problem well, more of a standoff in his or her dreams, but surely not unimaginable. I was never aware that so strong will be my intuition and so clear will be my vision. The faith came lately. Till now it has always been a testing, just checking on the things which I would feel much early with that of what would happen later when the flood of emotions would go almost in the lowest ebb. But now it is like, I can make out something meaningful of absurdity, sort out sense of nonsense and even perceive things out of nothing. It has become more of a habit now and I am always on the move, sorting things of substance out of junk. It takes away a lot of capacity, energy and concentration from your system and even sometimes leaves you paralyzed unable to get involved in anything else. But above all, it makes me more and more irrestible, addicted and forever gasping for more. Getting signals from higher
power is a boon, a blessing in disguise given to you since it fortells about the impending incidents, good or bad, happening to you or your dear ones or even people passing by you. But it does bring with it a bunch of an all-consuming passion that exhausts you, guilt and a sense of failure whenever you fail to inform the person-to-be-affected beforehand and an all-time mental awareness and reception, which lingers over you even when you are asleep.
Nonetheless, I owe more than my life to this blessing of God. Being Libran, it is always a complexity for me to strike out a firm decision even of a minor problem, let alone a gridlock, but it's my inner voice only that saves my face every time guiding me the right way with the lamp of wisdom in the lead. This counts as one advantage. There are various occasions in my life when I have had saved people's lives and stopped the havocs from having occured. Also there are many instances when with the help of hard concentration I have read the grief and pain in doomed ones' eyes and gone extra mile to work for their recovery. It has had always been a matter of pleasure, solace and satisfaction whenever I helped, compassioned and even whispered a prayer.
BUT NOW it's engulfing me gradually. Since the moment my boon tools have unraveled to me the spurt of unspoken lies, unseen deceptions, unfelt treachery and undisclosed disdainfulness, it has become a compulsively 2-walled path to tread upon. With one, there's buoyancy, an all-time cheerfulness while with another, it is dolefulness and gloominess, a blanket covering me head to toe. Doing good to others while remaining invisible from the scene certainly brings peace to mind and happiness to heart. In the same way visualising the selfish agendas hidden behind those promises, bitter conceited feelings concealed under those caring tones, a queer blend of jealousy and revenge veiled inside the mask of love and the astonishing mix of gibes and jeers at the back of that assuring voice, undoubtedly bring you the poignant pain which leaves perpetually lingering qualms in mind and heart.
Biggest reality is after a long period of struggle,I've learnt to live in them and die in them. Plus point is- smile & laughter never cease to come to me,that too in an unhesitatingly natural way. So, be it then happiness or sadness,calm & peace are bound to be there. Once there was a time,when I was on the verge of getting swallowed in by darkness and melancholy. But as for now,all revelations are out,thanks to heaven,my eyes could see beyond the sight,so now there would be no concealment,no hidings! I can bear seeing things in their actual essence devoid of any pretension and feeling the true meaning behing the said words even so concealed it may be.

But no more concealed lies, deception and treachery...

Friday, November 11, 2011

Breaking Dawn

"Enough wallowing & sulking. There has to be an end to this..." These words have been told by me to myself for lakhs of time, but to no avail. Wierd enough! Am I really awaiting an end or just elongating the way so as to reach the end late, much late. It was first an air of content light-heartedness & above the world feeling that used to give me pleasing and now, pleasure is known to me only by pain. Aperture in my heart keeps increasing with the searing pain throbbing all through the body. I never had thought of hoping or seeing any break from this thud since this pain had become dear to me, the sole reason of my existence. But then why did the light dawn when there has never been a hope, not the least a faith? Werewolf has descended upon me. Transformatiön has been done. I never wanted this happen to me. I had resolved to cling to my pain like some inseparable cosmic pair. Ah! No, here's a small misunderstanding of mine done on my own. Pain is still
there, the burning fissure is still blazing with all the same flickering flames, which wave along with all my nerves and tendons and the despondency and melancholy are still there. Yes! All my companions are wid me only, either they ain't willing to get apart or I'm fiercely possessive of them. Difference is, pride has crept in.
It's my newly found amourpropre in my haplessness. It got me reminded the reminiscence of my love. My love, while it existed before my eyes was never weak, my emotions, while they played upon my mind were never frail, my senses with which I grasped quick-sight into my courtship were never hazy and the act of having worn my heart on my sleeve was never without the utmost passion and reverence, then why the shoulders beneath dose sleeves have slumped? I'd had then started seranading my 'almost lover' in my newly acquired sensuous style and dang, it went flat. Suitor left, leaving behind my heart, which had by that moment turned into a snaphook and a being, ah! that's me, scorched by what I'd better say, love. Since my love was mellowed with dignity and a deep reverence for my lover, on whom I doted with all my essence, why then should I allow that fragrant mellowness evaporate from my heart and my persona? Love has had never been sans pride and
sublimity, then why must it be withered of dose now? Though seclusion is now dere in place of abundance and will always be there, but I think, it shouldn't affect the serenity which got left wid me, thanks to Mr. Cupid for his wrong blow!
So, from now on, my efforts would be on and on towards uprising those slouching shoulders, building up that hurt ego and blowing some life in my muzzy life. Sweet as the pain of heartache feels, I am not willing yet to neutralise it, but like I used to wear the amour on my head, I'll don the love lorn emotion now on my nerves. Because when grandiose, calmness and sublimity will mix up with the love sick feeling, it will make the pain all the more enjoyable, memorable, adorable and bearable affair.