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Monday, April 25, 2011


“How can a person bear an ardent will to get linked but still could not spare himself grudging for the burdening link???”

I am not a Gypsy, nay! Not a Bohemian too, but undoubtedly the one who acts on free will. Although I love to be surrounded by loving relations, but soon the bogy of deepened attachments bag me down, albeit momentarily. Ever since my actions and behavior have become comprehensible to me, I've noticed but one peculiar trait.

'Tis I did not succeed to rule out in my fourteen palpable years o' life and hope not in the upcoming years too. Strangely, the oddness of this trait as perceived by me bellows much the same as touted by the ones who I came across in life and those too who still remain around me.

Like every human or else creature, I love to be attended, cared for and loved. I find it alluring when someone ask my whereabouts and enquire my wellness. Then why the air of unbearable burden of relations dawns upon me? After responding to some cheerful urgings, what makes them turn out to me the wearisome pertusion? After sensing a sweet ardor from such insistences, why does the feel gets towed to sourness giving way to peevishness and then ultimately turning to avulsion? Since, I don't adorn meanness in my personality, nor is there eccentricity, why my sweet will for attachments upturns 
to a quick detachment then?

The realization of the indifference that grows within me trails behind an insuppressible guilt in my mind and heart.

It has happened many a time to me that my loved ones turn a back to me for this 'separation wall' unknowingly raised by me, which drifts me apart from them. I've no words for reasoning my recluse, which shields me from world albeit for short durations, but leave the ones dear to me quiet disheartened.

How I explain to them that I like to be seen, but soon get bored from immobile gazes. How I describe to them that though being cared for is adored by me, caresses for long do not go un-scorned by me. Moreover, how to find way to say that while to be loved is what I consider lucky, to get saddled by overwhelming love is what I title for having brought disturbing ripples in life.
People find me presumptuously loyal in my relations. To my dear ones, I act as protector and a propellant. Despite for this fierce full trustworthiness and an eye for socialization, a certain reclusive emotion doesn't leave me entirely.

""It makes me wonder for is there a 'hermit' that resides in some corner of my heart.""

'Tis piece of writing showcases my delusive feel, which brings forth one of my darkest secrets not yet unraveled to anyone. But there is more to say...
I profile this draft as an apology and extend to those who have felt ignored, left out and ultimately hurt on account of me.

I say SORRY.... I am SORRY.

                       "'Sumitabh Panchal, This blog is for you'"

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